I are. We am.

Living right on the border between Europe and Asia, I was very interested in the article by Ziva Kunda (1999) on how the Eastern and Western-raised societies view the world, themselves, their community and environment. However, instead of talking about the differences in the perception of the world by Eastern and Western-raised individuals (Kunda, 1999), I will talk about myself, my sister and my grandmother. You might ask how these two topics can possibly have something in common, but they do. So, here is my story:

My grandmother was born in 1938, which means that she grew up under a strong Soviet Union influence and their propaganda of communism. The main political idea of that time was having everything centralized – from economy to the thoughts of every single individual. They were living in the society that was doing everything possible to erase any sense of being “special” and standing out from your peers in any way. Even my mom who was born in the 70’s has a picture from the summer camp where every single kid is dressed the same - because they would take away clothes you came with and give you the same shorts, t-shirts, socks, shoes and other basic items since you cannot be different from anyone else. 

Unfortunately, this is not my mom’s picture but it looks very much like it.

I, on the other side, was born in 1994 and my sister – in 2003 (the Soviet Union fell in 1991). And besides small cultural differences, we were raised on the ideas of the Western society: capitalism, democracy. Pretty much the same ideals you were taught growing up in America. And this drastic change of mindset of a whole nation from the communism to modern society makes my peers’ communication with the generation of our grandparents extremely challenging. For example, this past summer I and my sister were staying at my grandparents’. We picked up some strawberries from the garden and put them in a bowl on the table. My sister picked out the biggest and reddest berries there were and was about to eat them by herself. And I see absolutely no problem with that. In fact, I think she is smart for choosing the best she is offered – the bowl has been on the table the whole day, anyone could have done it. But my grandmother made a really big deal out of it, “How did you dare to think you deserve the best ones? Did you ask anyone around if they wanted this specific berry you are eating right now? You are the youngest one, you should not have started eating before everyone else”. So… that’s how it happens – out of nowhere a big argument all of a sudden appears.

I feel like my grandmother is from Asia, where “the nail that stands out gets pounded down” (Kunda, 1999). And me and my sister are from Europe, where “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” (Kunda, 1999). And even though it is hard for us to understand each other, I am trying to be patient and since past week I also know that it is just a fundamental attribution error – considering the personal importance and underestimating the role of situation (Ross, 1977).  So, it is natural for our misunderstandings to happen.  I will always love my family anyway!  <3

The best babushka in the world! :)

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Kunda, Z. (1999). Culture. Social Cognition: Making Sense of People (pp. 17-25). Cambridge, MA: MIT.

 

Ross, L. (1977). The intuitive psychologist and his shortcomings: Distortions in the attribution process. In L. Berkowitz (Ed.), Advances in experimental social psychology (Vol. 10, pp. 174-221). New York: Academic Press.

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Not Better. Not Worse. Just Different.

Trust me, these 6 words are the most helpful attitude to keep in mind when you have to move half-way across the world and interact with people from a completely opposite from yours environment and background.

Well, thanks to my adventurous spirit, I’ve done that more than once and can’t say that I haven’t been stung by some things here and there, but at least now I have some stories to tell! As Axtell (1993) claims, different cultures have different social norms of nonverbal communication (Axtell, 1993). And I can tell you - for sure, it’s true!

Two years ago I moved to Bulgaria to go the University there. My acquaintance with Bulgaria started before I even got there: on the plane from Moscow (the capital of Russia) to Sofia (the capital of Bulgaria). I slept through the dinner time and when I woke up, I nicely asked the flight attendant to bring me some tea. She didn’t say a single word, simply shook her head, and left: 

NOOOOOO!

 I was sitting there absolutely shocked by how rude she was. But in a few minutes she all of a sudden came back handing me a cup of tea. So… that was really weird. And only some time later I found out that, as mentioned in our textbook, Bulgarians nod when they are saying no and shake their heads when saying yes. I’ve tried to re-teach myself to agree and disagree in that manner, but the only progress I’ve made was not doing either of those things. I now express my answer only verbally to avoid the confusion.

A great part of my personal cultural experiences comes from being Russian. If I trusted Internet, I would be scared of meeting myself! I mean… did you see any of these?

My absolute favorite (At the beginning the guy says, "Here's a focet that drinks water.")

Well, I can only hope that people are filtering the information they see. But I'll give you a few advices on how to survive in Russia: Russians don’t communicate with people they don’t know. You never say “Oh, I love your shoes!” to some stranger on the street. And you don’t smile at people. In fact, if you do, they might think that something is actually wrong and you are emotionally unstable. Another thing that is cardinally different between Russia and America is the intention behind “How are you?” question. In the USA it’s seen as a social norm and a polite greeting and can be addressed to absolutely anyone. In Russia you only ask that to a very close person, and you really mean it. It always turns into a long, deep conversation. The best way to describe it is to say that it’s very душевный, which would literally translate into English as “soulful”. 

All in all, wherever you are and whoever you are with, please, remember to be polite, respectful, considerate and your: 

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Axtell, R. E. (1993). Do's and taboos around the world (3rd ed.). New York: John Wiley.

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I’m sexy and I know it!

               Lyrics of that annoying song by LMFAO (2011) that get stuck in your head for forever suggest, “When I walk in the spot, this is what I see. Everybody stops and they staring at me”. I feel like at some point in life everyone wishes they could be that cool and able to immediately catch the public’s attention. But, unfortunately, it’s not that easy. At all! On the brighter side of the issue though – social psychologists know just what you need to learn to make everyone aware of how sexy you are!           
                According to Schlenker (2003), we use self-presentation as a way to make others form a certain opinion about us and attempt to get to know ourselves better too. It can occur both consciously and unconsciously, we might present correct or false information to others, as well as to ourselves (Schlenker, 2003).

               I personally think that one of the most important areas where one would have to use self-presentation strategies is while looking for a life-partner or a one-night-stand. You can decide on whether he/she is “the one” later, by all means you’ll have to attract your victim-crush first. And I feel like this is way harder to do for guys because society norms tell them that they have to make the first step, approach a woman and connect with her. Well, male and female worlds can contradict quite often, like:

               To deal with this responsibility, men developed pick-up, a movement whose purpose is to teach an individual how to approach, meet and seduce a partner. And since its first appearance in 1970’s, pick-up grew into a huge industry of books, video and live seminars, Internet forums and TV-shows. I never believed that it actually works until last year one of my close friends, a guy who doesn’t have a perfect body, never was a center of attention in any social group - in just a few months turned into a number one girls’ crush. So, I interviewed him on what he changed in his behavior in order to become popular with women and divided it into strategies of self-presentation: 

  

           1). Ingratiation, things you do to make someone like you (Arkin, 1981), works very well if you want to get a woman into bed – agree on everything, and that will inevitably make her feel like she is understood and she can trust you.

           2).  Self-promotion, making someone believe you are awesome and respected (Arkin, 1981). Pick-up industry suggests that even if you don’t obtain any cool qualities, just say, for example, that you are a DJ and it will get girls interested in you.

           3).  Another technique guys can use is exemplification, showing how moral they are by helping an elder citizen carry groceries or being nice to kids.

           4).  Surprisingly, supplication, presenting yourself as weak and helpless, makes girls want to help you. And if at the right moment you tell a heart-breaking story of how terribly you have been dumped by last 4 girlfriends and you are still a virgin, chances are, your potential victim-crush will want to fix that.

               All in all, as far as I believe, life proves that self-presentation strategies do work. So, ladies – beware! And gentlemen – learn social psychology and go conquer! But: 

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Arkin, R. M. (1981).Self-presentation styles. In J. T. Tedeschi (Ed.), Impression management theory and social psychological research (pp. 311-333). New York: Academic Press.

Schlenker, B. R. (2003). Self-presentation. In M. R. Leary & J. P. Tangney (Eds.), Handbook of self and identity (pp. 492-518). New York: Guilford.

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